How to Ask Someone to Be Your STEM Mentor

Let us be honest for a second. Asking someone to be your mentor can feel terrifying. You might worry that you are bothering them. That they are too busy. That you do not have enough to offer in return. Or that they will say no and you will feel rejected.

Here is what we have learned from years of running MakePossible. Most successful women in STEM actually want to help. They remember what it was like to be earlier in their careers. They wish someone had helped them. And they are often just waiting to be asked.

The problem is not that people do not want to mentor. The problem is that most of us do not know how to ask in a way that makes it easy for them to say yes.

This guide will walk you through exactly how to do that. We will cover who to ask, what to say, and how to follow up. We will also give you email templates you can copy and adapt.

Do not just ask the most senior person in your field. That is usually a mistake. Senior leaders are extremely busy and may not have the time or energy to invest in a new mentoring relationship.

Instead, look for someone who is one or two steps ahead of where you are now. A senior engineer rather than a CTO. A team lead rather than a director. Someone who has recently made the kind of transition you want to make.

Here are some good places to find potential mentors:

Within your current workplace. Look for someone whose work you admire. Someone who seems approachable. Someone who has been generous with their time in meetings or team settings.

Through professional networks. LinkedIn is actually useful for this. Look for people who share content you find valuable. Who work in your field. Who have career paths you find interesting.

At industry events. Conferences, meetups, webinars. Pay attention to people who ask good questions or give thoughtful presentations. They are often open to connecting afterwards.

Within communities like MakePossible. That is literally why we exist. We have members who have explicitly said they want to mentor others. Use the platform to find them.

Once you have identified a few potential mentors, do some homework. Look at their LinkedIn profile. Read their posts or articles. Understand what they care about and what they are good at. This will help you personalize your outreach later.

Do not ask someone to be your mentor in the first message. That is too much pressure. It sounds like a long term commitment to someone you barely know.

Instead, ask for something small. A 20 minute coffee chat. A quick call to ask a few specific questions. An informational interview about their career path.

This is sometimes called the coffee approach. You are not asking for a mentor. You are asking for a conversation. If that conversation goes well, you can ask for another one. Over time, that can turn into a mentoring relationship naturally.

Here is why this works. It is easy for the other person to say yes to a one time 20 minute call. It is much harder to say yes to an open ended mentoring commitment from a stranger. Start small. Let the relationship grow from there.

Here is a simple template you can use for cold outreach on LinkedIn or email. Keep it short. Be specific. Make it easy for them to say yes.

Template for someone you do not know well:

Subject: Quick question about your career path in [field]

Hi [Name],

My name is [Your Name]. I work as a [Your Role] at [Your Company]. I came across your profile and saw that you have worked in [specific area].

I am at a point in my career where I would really value learning from someone who has been where I want to go. Would you be open to a 20 minute chat sometime next week? I would love to hear about your experience with [specific thing].

I know you are busy, so even 15 minutes would be amazing.

Thank you for considering.

Best,

[Your Name]

Template for someone you have met briefly:

Subject: Following up from [event name]

Hi [Name],

We met briefly at [event] last week. I was the one who asked the question about [topic].

I really appreciated your perspective on that. It got me thinking about my own career direction. I would love to buy you a coffee sometime and ask you a couple of follow up questions if you have the time.

I know things are busy, so no pressure at all. But if you are open to it, let me know what might work for you.

Thanks again for sharing your insights at the event.

Best,

[Your Name]

The key things to remember. Keep it short. Be specific about why you reached out to them. Make the ask small and clear. And always thank them for their time whether they say yes or no.

Sometimes people will say no. Or more commonly, they will not respond at all. This is not a reflection on you. People are busy. They have their own priorities. They might not have the bandwidth right now.

If someone says no or does not respond, do not take it personally. Move on to the next person on your list. Rejection is just part of the process. Every woman who has built a successful career has been ignored or turned down many times.

If someone does respond and says they are too busy but offers an alternative, that is a good sign. They might suggest someone else to talk to. Or they might say try me again in a few months. Follow up on that.

Once someone agrees to meet with you, do your homework. Prepare specific questions. Do not just show up and say tell me about your career. That is lazy.

Here are some good questions to ask:

- What was the most important decision you made early in your career?

- What do you wish you had known when you were at my stage?

- How did you navigate [specific challenge relevant to your field]?

- What skills do you think will be most valuable in our field over the next five years?

- Is there anyone else you think I should talk to?

During the conversation, be present. Listen more than you talk. Take notes if that helps you. And at the end, always thank them for their time.

If the conversation goes well, you can ask if they would be open to meeting again in a few months. That is how you slowly turn a one time chat into an ongoing mentoring relationship.

And here is a pro tip. After the meeting, send a thank you message. Mention one specific thing you learned from them. That shows you were paying attention and that you value their input. Most people do not do this. Doing it will make you stand out.

If you are already a member of MakePossible, the process is even easier. Our platform is designed to help you find and connect with mentors who have already said they want to help.

Complete your profile. Be specific about what you are looking for. Then browse the member directory or use our matching feature to find potential mentors. You can send a message right inside the platform.

Many of our members have told us that the fear of reaching out was the only thing holding them back. Once they did it, they were surprised by how willing people were to help.

So take a deep breath. Choose one person. Send that message. The worst that can happen is they say no or do not reply. The best that can happen is a relationship that changes your career.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

© Copyright SCWIST 2026
MakePossible was created by SCWIST
(Society for Canadian Women in Science and Technology)
With project funding support from Women and Gender Equality Canada

The MakePossible community provides a great opportunity to learn and gain insight from our Subject Matter Experts (SMEs) and further support from other community members and mentors. Although some resources may be shared on our behalf, MakePossible is in no way providing formal advice for your professional or personal matters. Please use your own discretion when consulting any of the materials shared here.